Our Little Muenster

Jake was taking his sweet time.

My due date came and went, with not so much as a contraction. Not even Braxton Hicks. My appointments with the OB started becoming humorous. She just left it up to me, whether or not I wanted to induce. But everything I read said that induction, even for large babies, was never really necessary or beneficial for Mom or baby (other than just getting it overweigh) and I was hoping to be able to lay off the Pitocin this time around.

So we waited.

Finally, at 40w4d, I agreed to schedule an induction. I was going to come in the next evening and get things going. We joked that I would probably go into labor in the next 24 he, just because I finally made the decision to induce. And that's basically what happened.

About 7 pm

I moved this blog over to Wordpress to take advantage of some better features.
You can find it here:
https://babymalek.wordpress.com/

Some posts are now password protected - let me know if you want the password :)

For anyone about to embark on pumping, here are my biggest tips:

1. Get a hands-free bra. 
It's the only way to go. It looks ridiculous, but pumping is ridiculous. Without it, it's hard to even hold the cups in place and turn the machine on at the same time. Worth every single penny.

2. Buy two sets of parts
If you are going to pump multiple times a day, it will be immensely helpful to have an extra set of parts to swap in when one set is dirty. Part-washing is one of the biggest time-sucks of the process. Which brings me to...

3. Minimize pump part washing with refrigeration or steam bags
The reason you need to wash your parts after every use is to avoid bacteria growth. You know what stops bacteria from growing? Cold. So after one use, put your parts in a gallon ziplock back and stick 'em in the fridge. Use them the next time.
What else kills bacteria? Heat. Use steam bags to wash and sterilize. They're fast (3 minutes in the microwave) and make everything hot and clean.

4. Olive Oil
If you have to pump multiple times a day, use a drop of olive oil to lubricate the shields. I keep a tiny tupperware with 1/2" of OO in a small ziplock in my pump bag. Before each pump, I just dip a clean finger in there and smear it around in the neck of each shield. It's a lifesaver. Once I tried it, I could never go back.

5. Napkins
Fold up a wad of napkins to keep in the pump bag. They're great for wiping up afterward, or for the occasional spill or drip. Replenish as needed.

6. Tiny changes save big time in the long run
To try to motivate myself at the beginning, I would use the stopwatch on my phone to time myself setting up to pump, and packing up afterward. It was a little race against myself. At first, it would take me more than 5 minutes to get everything assembled, plugged in, connected, and ready to go. By now, I'm down to less than 2 minutes. That's 3 minutes per session, over 500 sessions - 25 HOURS of time saved. Little things that help:

• Keep the tubes and power cord plugged in if you can. (The Medela Pump-in-Style bag I use let me gently coil the tubes and tuck them in the little mesh pouch next to the pump connections, and the power brick could tuck into the bag without detaching.
• Don't haul the pump around if you can leave it in one place. I left mine in the nursing room at work - dropped it off in the morning, picked it up at night.
• Using tip #3 above, be smart about part storage and avoid washing after every use
• When taking the pump out of the house, pre-assemble the parts you will need. That way you will be sure you're not forgetting any pieces!

So putting it all together, here's my pumping routine. I pump 4 times a day, once when I wake up, twice at work, and once just before bed. (Approximately 7am, 12:30pm, 5:00pm, and 9:30pm)
Session 1 - 7am
Pull the parts out of the dishwasher. Assemble both sets, swipe 'em with olive oil. Bag one set in a gallon ziplock for work. Bring another gallon ziplock with me, along with two extra empty bottles. The pump is still set up next to the couch in the same place it was from last night. Sit down, and pump. When finished, screw the parts onto empty bottles and stash the parts + bottles in the clean ziplock. Place in fridge, ready to go for after work. Cap the full bottles and put in fridge. Unplug the pump and pack up the clean bagged parts to take to work.
Session 2 - 12:30pm
I had already dropped the pump off in the nursing room when I arrived at working in the morning, so all I have to do is go there. Unzip, plug into the wall, pull out pre-lubricated parts, hook up, and go. Whip out the cell phone for an episode of something good on Netflix :)  Afterward, I would wipe down the parts with a clean napkin and olive oil them and screw them on to clean bottles for the afternoon session. I don't know that doing this at this point in my day really saved that much time, but it was nice to come down to the nursing room in the afternoon and do less setup work. Stash full bottles in the fridge. Back to work.
Session 3 - 5:00pm
I hated pumping at the end of the day when I would have much rather been finishing up work or going home to my boy. But the practicality of the situation won out - if I went home, I would still have to pump, so I couldn't hang out with the baby. And since the pump was already packed and ready to go at work, I was actually faster to do it there with no distractions. So, a repeat of what happened in session 2.
Session 4 - As late as possible (usually around 9:30pm)
One last pump to empty before bed. Use the parts that were in the fridge from Session 1. Put all the parts in the dishwasher to run overnight.

Everyone seems to be unanimous these days that breastfeeding is one of the best things you can do for your baby. The message is everywhere - parenting books, websites, classes, hospitals, even on containers of baby formula. That's why I felt like such a failure, at least at first.

I was totally on board with breastfeeding Ben. I read the books, went to a class. I bought a breast pump before he was born. I started nursing him in the hospital, and got used to nurses and doctors barging in on me topless. A lactation consultant came to visit me at the hospital and gave me really helpful latching tips and techniques that made it less painful and more effective. Everything seemed to be going great.

Then we took Ben to his first doctor's appointment, 3 days after his birth. He had lost a lot of weight - almost 10% of his birth weight. I still hadn't experienced the engorgement and discomfort I had read about when milk "comes in" after the baby is born. The doctor suggested I see a lactation consultant. So I found one, made an appointment, and went in with Ben. She gave me a few more tips, but said that things looked good. She weighed him before and after a feeding, and said he was getting a good amount of milk. I was told to feed him every two hours around the clock to make sure my milk supply was increasing and that he was eating enough. So we did that for a week. It worked! His next weigh in was great, gaining weight just fine.

But something was bothering me. Ben never stopped his feedings on his own. I would nurse him for 20 minutes on each side, and he wouldn't un-latch. My breasts would feel emptier, and he was definitely getting milk, but he never pushed away full. At first, I thought it was just newborn sleepiness. He would doze off, I would try to keep him awake, and eventually just give up and let him sleep. I emailed the LC about it, and she didn't seem concerned. I asked the ladies and the leader of my mom's group about it, and they didn't have any answers. So I just kept doing was I was doing.

I was breastfeeding obsessed. Feeding him 8 or 10 times a day, for 45 minutes each time, I had HOURS of time sitting and looking at the internet. I read every breastfeeding site out there

At about the 6 week mark, I started getting worried. I was between 1 and 2-month doctors visits, so I weighed Ben at the Sequoia Wellness Center. He was still gaining a few ounces a week. I called the LC one more time, and asked if there was anything I could be doing wrong. This time, she was concerned. Based on his birthweight, he wasn't gaining nearly as fast as he should. She said he wasn't un-latching, because he was still hungry. She asked how we had been dealing with him being upset over the hunger. The thing was, he wasn't upset! He would suck and suck and suck until I took him off, and then he would usually just take a nap. But my poor baby had been hungry pretty much his whole life? I was horrified. The LC actually asked ME what I wanted to do about the situation, and I mentioned formula. I was expecting her to balk, as most lactation experts seem to be vehemently anti-formula. But she said that topping him off with a little formula after each feeding would be fine.

Buying that first canister of formula was a huge step. Everything says that "exclusive" breastfeeding is best. Clearly I had failed in some way.  Maybe I should have fed him more frequently to increase supply. Maybe I shouldn't have given him a pacifier. Whatever the reason, I was not making enough milk for my baby, and that made me a bad mother. I felt so incredibly guilty.

I was nervous. Ben had had a few bottles of breast milk by this point, but only a few. And in my obsessive internet research, I had read stories of babies that reject various types of formula, or have allergies. Neil went to the store immediately and bought a few small bottles of pre-mixed formula. We gave one to Ben, and... he was happy as a clam. Sucked it down, no problem. We even switched to a different brand, due to our pediatrician's recommendation. No sweat, just as yummy.

Since I didn't really know how much he was getting from me, I started pumping rather than nursing. Then we could totally measure his intake, and know how much he was eating and from which source. The difference in Ben's attitude was remarkable. He was happier, more relaxed. He slept so much better. His appetite, when presented with an unlimited supply, was amazing for such a little baby. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

I obsessed a little more over the next few weeks, meticulously counting and calculating how much of his intake was breastmilk (about 75%). Since I was still contributing a good majority of his nutrition, I felt better. I actually really liked pumping. For a very analytical person like me, being able to measure gave me great piece of mind. And it freed me from being Ben's slave. I would pump whenever it was convenient for ME. Then one of us (not just me!) could feed Ben whenever it was convenient for him. So long as Neil was around to keep an eye on Ben while I pumped 5-6 times a day, it was a win-win situation.

For a long time, I pumped during the day, but still nursed Ben at night. Then, for a stretch while he was 2-3 months old, he started sleeping through the night. Hallelujah! But unfortunately, that meant I suddenly dropped one feeding. For a while, I would wake up in the middle of the night and pump, to try to keep up my supply. But after a week or two of that, I rationalized that a mother who wasn't pumping wouldn't get up in the middle of the night if the baby was sleeping. She would sleep til he woke up. So I figured it would be ok for me to do that as well.

By the 3-month mark, it was time for me to go back to work. So my pump came with me. And by this point, Ben really didn't want to nurse anymore. I would occasionally try in the mornings and evenings. Sometimes, if he was really relaxed and sleepy, he would nurse for a while until he fell asleep. But more often, he would tug, squirm, claw, and kick at me. Nursing was hard. Bottles were easier. So I officially became an "exclusive pumper."

So after 20 weeks of pumping (and over 500 pumping sessions), here we are. I have been counting down to this magic 6-month mark, which was my goal. I have to say, it's getting old. I spend 2.5 hours every day packing the bag, pumping, cleaning parts, storing milk. It's the first thing I do in the morning, and the last thing I do before bed. By now, I have the process streamlined for maximum efficiency - I defy anyone to come up with a way to make this faster or easier. But I'm ready to be done. I'm ready to wear normal bras. Ready to stop hauling this pump everywhere I go. Ready to not have two pumping interruptions in my workday. Ready to be back in control of my own body.

Yesterday was Ben's 6 month birthday, and the first day that I have gone more than 24 hours without pumping. It was... anticlimactic, to be honest. I am so ready to be done with the hassle, but at the same time, slowly weaning over the last few weeks has been heartbreaking. To have spent months obsessing over breastfeeding and milk supply, I felt horrible to stop pumping before being totally empty. Getting the milk come used to be a sign of success, and a great relief. But now, I turn off the pump mid-way through. All that precious milk! I felt wasteful and... guilty, I guess is the right word. Like this is something I'm supposed to be doing to provide for my baby, and I'm choosing not to.

But Ben is a healthy, happy boy. He eats like a champ, breastmilk or formula. And it's time for me to close this chapter of my life and move on. I hope that what I've done for him so far will pay off in the long run.